i decided that today, rather than bore you all to tears with another enthralling description of what i did at work (i cut wires…), i’d post something else.
following is a bit of writing i wrote ages ago (2001 maybe…?)when i was asked by Si to write a column for his now defunct website (which you can, for some unknown reason, still visit).
you can tell it’s old, ‘cos i use capital letters at the start of sentences :oP
Well, this is the first (of many?) columns that I may be forced to write for this site…well, not really forced…more like commanded…alright…politely asked…
The first dilemma I faced while writing this column was what to write it on. When told “write a column on something”, I discovered that something can be a very, very vague topic…Then while writing this little ditty, I thought “why the hell does column have an ‘n’ on the end of it?” and proceeded to look through what I had written. When one says ‘vague’, one does not pronounce the ‘u’, nor the ‘e’, so why have them? So I thought to myself, “what’s the deal with silent letters?” and decided to see if I could write a decent column length column on silent letters, and why they are crap.
Think back to your childhood classroom, where, when a little 5 year old asks the teacher how to spell a word, the teacher replies “how do you think you spell it?”. If the kid had known how to spell ‘knowledge’, they wouldn’t have needed to ask now, would they? ‘No-lij’? There’s a frickin’ silent ‘k’ in the word. How’s a 5 year old supposed to pick that up?
So why do we have silent letters? Who really knows…If I could go back in time, and meet the guy who invented the word ‘knife’, I’d ask why he put two extra letters in the word. Why not spell it ‘nyf’? a nice phonetic word, and aesthetically pleasing too…now there’s a pair of words you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alleyway…phonetic (meaning spelt the way it sounds, which it isn’t), and aesthetically (nice to look at?)
Since I’ve run out of things to write about silent letters…I’m going to end the colim now…next time (if there is one…) “Why phonetics will never work, and why we have words like ‘aesthetically’ in our language…”
this is probably the reason why i’m not the editorial guy for the Dominion Post.